


Blue Dreams

by mkhhhx



Category: Monsta X (Band), 걸어 | All in - Monsta X (Music Video)
Genre: Background ShowHo - Freeform, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Orphanage, Resistance, Serious Injuries, That bathtub scene, War, Young Love, double suicide, it's painful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 16:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14572740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: Minhyuk is forced to grow up too quickly.There are soldiers gathering outside his door and feelings blooming inside his heart.





	Blue Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> This is (loosely) based on the All In mv and also inspired by NorthStar's "Blue Moon", here on Ao3 (check it out, it's a masterpiece).

There was a time when war was too far away. A gruesome image covering the first page of the newspaper, a conversation the grownups held, far away from the kids.

Minhyuk remembers that time well. He was happy, he was free.

He remembers waking up every morning and rushing to Kihyun’s room before breakfast and squishing some time to play until their teacher came. Going through all the boring lessons, having lunch and then napping until they could go out and play with their torn leather ball the whole afternoon.

The few times he and Kihyun were let to go to the market or any other parts of the village alone, there were whispers accompanying their every step.

“The orphans.” The villagers said. “Poor things, they must be living such sad lives.” That’s what people thought about them.

Living at the orphanage was not nearly as bad as people thought.

Minhyuk never met his parents and neither knew anything about them. Kihyun’s have died in an accident years ago. Changkyun’s left him at the front porch when he was a few days old. Every kid had their own story.

Hyunwoo and Hoseok were their saviors. Hyunwoo was running the place, taking care of the parentless kids of the village. He made sure nothing was missing. Clothes on their bodies, food on their table and handed-down toys in their rooms.

The building was an old mansion, belonging to Hyunwoo’s father. The old man now had only one room at the ground floor for himself and shared the rest with the kids. The older ones helped the Sons keep the building in a good condition, so the youngest wouldn’t get cold by the breeze slipping through the holes on the walls.

Hoseok had studied at some faraway town to be a teacher, but he only taught the few kids of the orphanage at mornings and did labor work in the evenings. He had a small house down the hill, but some nights he returned to the orphanage to eat dinner with the children and talk with Hyunwoo until they both fell asleep on the couch, in front of the fireplace.

 

 

That was the life before war. Before the soldiers attacked their village in the middle of the night and burned down civilian houses. Minhyuk, like the rest of the kids, had to grow up too quickly.

Suddenly, the soldiers were everywhere. From the yard outside the church to the meadow behind the orphanage. A part of their lives.

The villagers stopped resisting and the soldiers stopped killing and burning.

 

 

One night they knocked down the door of the orphanage. Hoseok and the old Son had to calm down the kids as the soldiers turned their rooms upside down looking for something Minhyuk couldn’t quite understand and Hyunwoo was begging them to not harm the kids.

They didn’t find anything and left with the threat of coming back.

Minhyuk’s voice was becoming deeper and his limps longer and the foreign soldiers haven’t yet left their village. The people were becoming less and less afraid of them, knowing that behind the black uniforms and the heavy gear there were hidden mere kids, scared too. They lived in somewhat peace and balance.

That, until the old commander assigned to their village died. Heart attack the doctor said. The soldiers didn’t make a fuss about it, he was of age.

Some months passed, the soldiers more passive than ever, until a new commander of the forces was sent. Along with his wife and son.

Minhyuk at first didn’t care about the news. It wouldn’t make any difference to him and being one of the older kids now, he had so many other things to take care of.

“The new commander wants to inspect our house this afternoon. Behave accordingly.” Hyunwoo told the kids over lunch a few days after the news.

“He will just look around. Don’t worry.” Hoseok, at the other side of the table gave them a warm smile. Minhyuk, growing up, learned how difficult mustering that smile was. He knew how it cracked when Hoseok and Hyunwoo were alone, trying to find the money to keep the kids fed and the fire in the main room burning.

“Do you think he’ll be worse than the previous one?” Changkyun asked, sitting on the couch next to Minhyuk, holding his small videogame console that barely worked.

“I hope not. But we can’t do anything about it.” Minhyuk shrugged. He wished they could fight back somehow. A new word was spreading around the grownups. The resistance.

“Come on boys, help me clean a bit before our visitor arrives.” Hyunwoo peeked from the kitchen, interrupting Minhyuk’s train of thoughts.

 

 

The commander wasn’t anything sort of scary. He wasn’t too tall or too muscular, or too...anything. His voice was harsh but he wasn’t shouting, he wasn’t commanding the soldiers to search all through the orphanage. He stayed in the living room and Hoseok made him a cup of tea. He wanted to see the kids and asked if there’s something they needed. Hyunwoo was too proud to ask for money and he nodded negatively.

The commander had brought his son along. A tall skinny boy, around Minhyuk’s age. He didn’t talk, standing next to his father like a doll.

Minhyuk spared a second look at his direction. Gentle big eyes and soft hair falling on his forehead. He was an enemy.

“See, Hyungwon, you must be thankful for your life, these kids had it so much worse.” The commander rested his hand on his son’s shoulder and then turned to Hyunwoo with a smile. “He’s a bit disappointed for moving here from the capital you see, teenagers are like this.”

Hyunwoo looked at the kid and nodded. “I see.”

 

 

The old entrance at the south of the village was their favorite place. Minhyuk with Kihyun were the first to find it and Changkyun joined their adventures when he grew up a bit. Some years ago the place was buzzing with life, merchants with their carts coming from the towns and travelling to the other villages.

They weren’t unpermitted to leave the village, but also, they had nowhere to go. People needed their money and goods to pay the taxes to the soldiers rather than new clothes and jewelry from faraway places, so the travelers slowly vanished, the gate now a playground just for the kids of the orphanage.

It was a hot day, Minhyuk and Changkyun resting under the shade of the old rocky entrance and talking about everything and nothing. Changkyun, despite being a few years younger was exceptionally clever and Minhyuk enjoyed conversations with him a lot.

Wrapped in their own bubble, talking loudly and laughing they didn’t hear the steps approaching, not until Changkyun noticed the person standing behind Minhyuk and his eyes went wide.

Minhyuk turned his head to look too. The commander’s son, standing a few feet away from them.

“What do you want?” Minhyuk stood up in front of Changkyun, tried to sound as hostile as he could.

The boy, Hyungwon, didn’t talk at first. He was looking at his shoes, awkwardly shuffling his legs.

“What do you want?” Minhyuk repeated, slower. He felt like someone trespassed in their personal space.

“I just…there isn’t anyone my age around here and I thought…” He looked like he feels bad and Minhyuk was taking pity on his already.

“How did you find us?” Changkyun stepped next to Minhyuk. The boy wasn’t a threat.

“I passed by the orphanage and a boy, Kihyun, he told me I could find you here.”

Kihyun had decided to stay back, to help with the housework and cook. Minhyuk wouldn’t tell the son of the enemies’ commander anything, but Kihyun was the more sensitive one.

“Okay. You can sit with us, if you want.” Changkyun said, taking a few steps closer to Hyungwon, as if he was inviting him to their space. Minhyuk didn’t have much say in it but he hoped he wouldn’t regret it.

 

 

Hyungwon became a standard presence at the south entrance. At first, he didn’t talk much, listening and nodding and smiling. Minhyuk was wary of him.

Then, he started opening up, bit by bit. He told them about his house back when he lived in the capital and his friends and his piano lessons. Minhyuk has promised to himself to not befriend him, but it was too difficult. Hyungwon had just turned eighteen, away from all of his friends and in a family that didn’t seem to care much about him.

Minhyuk grew up protecting and taking care of younger children as if it was his second nature. Maybe that’s why he went back to his word and let himself like Hyungwon. He was a kid, like himself after all.

 

The orphanage rarely had visitors. So the knocking on the door that autumn night was either a good or a very bad sign. Hyunwoo opened up and he seemed to recognize the man at the other end, embracing him into a tight hug before letting him step inside.

Minhyuk who was sitting at the kitchen table, feeding one of their youngest kids, couldn’t overhear the conversation, but the visitor soon stepped into the room.

“You must be Minhyuk.” The man said, letting his heavy backpack on the floor.

“Yes?” Minhyuk looked between the man and Hyunwoo behind him.

“I’m Lee Jooheon, I studied with Hoseok and we have been dear friends for years.” The man said, sitting on a chair.

“I’m glad to meet you sir.” Minhyuk said, puzzled. Why would that man want to talk with him?

“Minhyuk, can you keep a secret?” Jooheon leaned close. He had small eyes and full cheeks. He smelled weird, sweet.

Minhyuk gulped. Jooheon shoved a hand into his backpack and took something out. Dried up flowers.

“Do you know what these are?”

“I don’t.”

“Do you want to join the resistance Minhyuk?”

Minhyuk felt a shiver run down his spine. The resistant he has heard so much about and knew nothing at the same time. He felt scared, because that man emitted power.

“I…I don’t know.” Minhyuk stuttered.

“That’s alright. I’ll be staying here for some weeks. Take your time.” Jooheon smiled and took the cup of tea Hyunwoo offered.

 

 

“You seem tired.” Hyungwon said. “Did something happen?”

It was just the two of them this time, Kihyun helping some kids with their reading and Changkyun trying to fix his old bike.

“I’m okay. Just thinking, about things.” Minhyuk has gotten closer to Hyungwon, but he couldn’t let anything about Jooheon slip out.

“I see.” Hyungwon exhaled. “I’ve been thinking about things, too.”

They stayed there, silent, too close to each other and Minhyuk wanted to ask so much. Did Hyungwon know what was going on with the war? Did he considered Minhyuk a friend or was just sent to gather information for his father?

Minhyuk noticed things. The way Hyungwon didn’t like talking about his parents and wore long sleeved shirts even at summer. That he never stayed out for too long. That he looked at Minhyuk with a silent plea in his eyes.

 

 

Jooheon was trouble.

That was what Minhyuk thought. He liked the man, full of stories from all around the country and too easy going, but deep down he knew, Jooheon was gonna get them all in trouble someday.

It all started with Hyunwoo’s father getting sick. It wasn’t the flu or some kind of cold and the doctors didn’t know what to do. They told Hyunwoo to send his father to the nearby town, to the big hospital, but he didn’t have the money.

“We can take them from the bank. It’s the soldier’s money stored there. They stole from us more than we can ever steal from them.” That’s what Jooheon said to Hyunwoo, in front of a concerned Hoseok, Kihyun and Minhyuk eavesdropping from the next room.

Minhyuk never thought Hyunwoo would agree to something like this. But he did. Jooheon gave him a gun and they assaulted the banker, with masks covering their faces, before the soldiers could be alarmed.

That night, they lost both Sons. Hyunwoo’s father died at the doctor’s backroom, all alone. Hyunwoo was found crying in front of the bed, stacks of money in front of his feet. They took him to prison and nobody heard again about him.

The following days, Jooheon was found staring at the fire late at evenings and Hoseok paced back and forth the corridors in the dark, like a ghost. The kids cried for days, missing the warmth and sense of security Hyunwoo’s presence held. But eventually, they all moved on.

All except Hoseok. Hoseok who was talking to himself and couldn’t concentrate at his teaching anymore. Hoseok who begged the soldiers to tell him where Hyunwoo is. If he is even alive.

Minhyuk lost a loved one. A part of his family and the person he was looking up to. Hoseok lost his life partner and the kids would never understand his pain.

 

 

“Do you ever think…of running away?” Hyungwon asked one night, huddled with Minhyuk inside a duvet, at the back yard of the orphanage.

“Yes.” Minhyuk whispered slowly. No use in lying.

His relationship with Hyungwon was changing. It was becoming long conversations in the night and walks around the village and holding hands. They were dancing close to something dangerous, something more than being friends.

“Were would you want to go?” Hyungwon asked, looking at the clear night sky. Vast and open.

“Anywhere. Anywhere where I can be free.”

“Minhyuk. I know who I am. And I know the freedom I have. But believe me. As much as you, I want to be really free.”

Their first kiss was soft, barely a brush of lips. A promise to seek freedom together.

 

 

Hyungwon’s father eventually catches on. For some reason he patrols the area with his soldiers. The south gate where nobody except the kids ever steps foot. Hyungwon doesn’t have the time to run away.

Minhyuk catches on too. The commander slaps his son and drags him by the collar. Minhyuk knows he shouldn’t interfere, but he does anyway. He steps in front of the man and asks him to let Hyungwon go and the next moment a soldier has a gun on his head.

Hyungwon shouts and trashes around and there’s a gun shot. Kihyun’s falls down in a pool of his own blood and time slows down. The soldiers leave and Minhyuk stands there, breathless.

Changkyun takes Kihyun in his arms and manages to walk to the orphanage, shouting for help the moment he steps in. Kihyun has lost so much blood already and Hoseok freaks out.

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” Jooheon steps in the room, kneels next to Kihyun, so calm. “Kihyun, open your mouth.” Jooheon commands and gives one of his blue flowers to Kihyun, who barely has his senses. “Eat it.”

The blood stops.

 

 

“I decided to join.” Minhyuk steps into the kitchen the next morning, interrupts Jooheon who was reading the morning newspaper.

“Me too.” Changkyun trails behind him.

Jooheon lifts an eyebrow.

“You’ve got to prove your loyalty then.”

“How?” Minhyuk asks, dedicated. He had stayed up the whole night thinking. He wants to take revenge. For Kihyun and for the Sons and for his village. And for Hyungwon, in some weird way.

“Burn down the commander’s house.”

 

 

The objective is plain. Minhyuk and Changkyun and Hoseok. They have gasoline and matches. They wear masks. The next morning they will leave to join the rest of the resistance forces in the mountains.

Something is bugging Minhyuk’s mind. He hasn’t talked with Hyungwon. He has no way to contact him and Hyungwon might be in this house. The house they are supposed to turn to ash.

Hoseok spreads the gasoline and Changkyun lights up a match. Minhyuk stands there, praying to a god he doesn’t believe to for Hyungwon to be saved.

The fire lights up and flames engulf the walls of the house. Hoseok takes Minhyuk’s hand, pulling him to run away. The villagers are watching from their windows and the soldiers won’t take long to come. They run all the way back to the orphanage and Minhyuk breaks down crying when Jooheon tells him he is qualified to join the resistance.

 

 

Hyungwon turns up at their door in the middle of the night. He’s coughing, eyes red and face swollen. Kihyun is the one who opens the door for him, lets him in the living room where everyone is gathered and still awake. Minhyuk starts crying once again.

 

“I thought I would die. I would die and never see you again. I jumped out of the window and hid in the fields until I could come here without being seen. They think I’m dead.” Hyungwon explains in one breath, Minhyuk shutting the door of his room behind them.

“Come with us. Come to the resistance.” Minhyuk cups his face. “I thought I lost you.” He whispers and kisses Hyungwon. I thought I killed you, is what he means.

 

It takes the few remaining hours until dawn, but Jooheon eventually agrees to take Hyungwon with them. Kihyun will be left to take care of the orphanage, along with the elder kids. The bullet shattered his bone and he knows well he’ll never be able to move with his previous ease again. Minhyuk knows it’s his fault but Kihyun never blames him for it.

 

“A present for you to use wisely.” Jooheon says and hands them some flowers and a small bottle with the blue liquid.

“The flowers will heal. Their clear liquid will put you to sleep. Forever.” He explains. “If you get caught, prefer suicide. Drink it and you’ll fall asleep, won’t feel a thing. Don’t let the enemy get information out of you.”

Minhyuk can feel Changkyun next to him trembling and it’s the first time he’s more scared than him.

 

 

The mountains are harsh. Jooheon teaches them to use weapons and hide from the enemies. And kill people.

Months and years pass and the war doesn’t seem to end, their white uniforms one with their bodies. Jooheon tells them it’ll be over soon. Has been telling the same thing for years.

Jooheon is a good leader, pushes them to keep moving forwards. And they do, until their morale shatters to pieces. Hoseok dies suddenly one night, a bullet shot through his brain, blood staining the snow. Jooheon wants them to let him there, run away.

They never forgive him, but they keep fighting. For Hoseok and for their own lives.

Hyungwon falls sick later and Jooheon again, tells them to leave him behind, that he might never wake up again. Minhyuk stays, watching the rest of their team going away, waving a silent goodbye to Changkyun and pressing the blue flowers on Hyungwon’s lips.

 

“I can’t do this anymore Minhyuk.” Hyungwon says when he wakes up.

“Let’s go back. Let’s go back to the village. There, you can rest.”

They walk the long way back, days, weeks into the snow and the rain and the mud. Every step is more difficult than the previous one and yet, they manage to reach the village.

It’s been six years since they went away and Minhyuk is burning with the anticipation of reuniting with Kihyun again. But Kihyun is not there anymore.

The orphanage is abandoned, like the rest of the village. There are not even soldiers, not a single light in the whole valley. Houses are burned down and the doors are loosely hanging open.

Minhyuk realizes he is the one who did this. He burned down the commander’s house and the soldiers burned everything else. Hyungwon stands by his side, in front of the orphanage’s door. There are no bodies inside, maybe Kihyun managed to get away with the kids.

The thought will help Minhyuk sleep at night, laying on Hyunwoo’s old bed with Hyungwon.

“I’m so tired.” Hyungwon says and Minhyuk caresses his sides until they both fall asleep.

 

Minhyuk wakes up alone. He feels like something is wrong, the space on the bed cold next to him. He calls Hyungwon’s name and gets no answer. He panics.

He remembers Hyungwon’s last words clearly and they take a different meaning this time.

He searches the ground floor and there’s nothing. Nothing at the kitchen or the living room.

Minhyuk enters the next room slowly. His throat hurts, voice hoarse from calling Hyungwon’s name again and again. His echo bouncing off the walls is the only answer coming back to him. He knows he’s losing time. He runs.

Minhyuk runs and runs. Up and down the corpse of a house. It’s cold but he’s sweating and panting. He’s crying, the more time passes he loses the little hope he had. He has to find him.

He does.

He opens the door to the last room down the corridor, the bathroom, now almost empty. Hyungwon lies there, in the filled bathtub, lifeless.

Minhyuk lets the tears roll down his cheeks, kneeling next to his lover.

Hyungwon is breathing, but he’s too close to the end.

Minhyuk kisses Hyungwon’s cheek, takes a deep breath. It’s the last time. His lips brush the cold skin and he tries to remember the warmth it once emitted. The way Hyungwon laughed.

If heaven exists, they will laugh together again. Minhyuk doesn’t believe in the afterlife, but for that moment, those seconds he lets himself hope. Their time on this life was so limited, so unhappy.

He takes the little bottle Jooheon gave him and takes the tap off. Hyungwon’s chest has almost come to a still.

Minhyuk lifts the bottle and brings it to his mouth. Gulps down the contents. It tastes sweet. He knows his death will be sweet too. At least it won’t hurt.

He feels lightheaded, cold suddenly. He takes a step after another and gets in the bathtub, together with Hyungwon. That’s how it should be. They will be found like this, sometime. For once, together. Even if it’s at death.

Hyungwon mutters something. He’s dreaming his last dream. Minhyuk takes his hand and feels Hyungwon squeeze his palm.

“I’m here.” He says. “We are safe.”

Hyungwon’s small smile is the last picture Minhyuk has, before he falls into a deep sleep too.

He dreams of children, playing without a care in the world.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
